Dearest reader,
Sorry I’ve been pretty vacant from my blog for the past few months, my boyfriend stood on my laptop with his gargantuan feet (size 12 ladies 😉 ) and smashed it up so I’ve been suffering along with my phone for the past couple of months. I must admit I had all but forgotten about this blog until the aforementioned big-foot mentioned he’d stumbled across it whilst doing a quick back story stalk of me before we got together.
Yes. He read EVERYTHING. Not only did he read about how I’m a bit chubbs, but he read about how sometimes I just don’t shave for months and worst of all he read about himself! I was quite horrified but he insisted I update everyone now just incase they thought I’d gone on a tinder date and died…
I didn’t die.
Instead I ended up in a relationship and we’ve been together nearly 6 months which is nice, except his single bed is definitely not big enough for him and BOTH my thighs so I tend to just hang off the edge. But yes, his name is Johnny (I can tell you that now my secret blog is no longer secret) and he has long legs which delights my mother as she says that if we get married and have lots of sex and babies then they might not have stumpy fat legs (cheers mum).Look here we are falling for a crappy merchandising deal where we get a photoshopped picture for £10 on a day out!
But things are going good except I did put on a bit of relationship weight from being wined and dined but he put on more so I still win!
HOWEVER… I then made a desperate attempt to lose said weight before my holiday (and because my doctor told me if I put on any more weight I can’t have my contraceptive pills…. honey, I’ll be a lot heavier with a bun in the oven, just give me the drugs). I resorted to desperate measures, I gave up drinking…sometimes, and believe it or not I actually lost weight and had less hangovers if we ignore the Friday night I got absolutely sozzled and had to leave work early the next day with the excuse “my boyfriend gave me ibuprofen and i’m allergic”. Nobody believed me but I went home and cuddled up with a bucket for the next 24 hours. However, I downed my 2 pint cocktail faster than the girl I really don’t like so it was time well wasted I think. But anyway yes, I lost weight, it was great…
until the other day. when I saw them. the beginnings of a road map forming on my tummy. luckily it seems to only be a couple of byways at the moment but its only a matter of time before the M4 appears across my stomach! I’m talking of course, about stretch marks. Just one morning out of nowhere they appeared. Now I’m no stranger to stretch marks, they’re just a fact of life and thats that. However, what I do take offence to is that I got them from LOSING weight. Apparently that’s a thing, I did some research and apparently if you lose weight quickly enough you get them anyway. So my reward for being good and losing some chub is stretch marks, I feel cheated. Clever as I am though, I’ve booked my check up doctors appointment with doctor meany-face for the morning before I go on holiday so I can drink and eat rubbish until my heart and appetite are content 🙂
I Have Nice Ankles But Don't Look At My Thighs 